Why Aren't Relationships Lasting Anymore?
By: NayNay Butler
photo courtesy of Niranjan
It seems that all too often you hear about couples separating or getting divorced. What happens to these couples? Can these relationships have been saved? Is love enough to save a relationship? These are some of the questions we should think about when entering into a relationship or ending one. According to World Population Review, 35 -50% of first marriages end in divorce. One of reasons marriages end in divorce is lack of commitment. Couples today don't honor the commitments they make. It's easy for them to walk away and look for something younger, prettier or richer. You can leave your relationship for someone else, but chances are, you will be dealing with a whole new set of problems with that new person. If you don't correct the shortcomings you brought to your previous relationship, you will find yourself in the same situation with someone else. Relationships take work and commitment. It also takes each person to work on their individual issues, and also working on the issues you have as a couple. It can sometimes be very hard to do, but you owe it to your mate to put the work in.
Money is also a reason relationships fall apart. In a long term relationship there will be times when finances are great, but there will also be times when a job loss or other circumstances cause the family finances to dwindle. It is in those down times that you should remember that you love each other through the good and the bad. Money problems in a relationship are often due to one person that loves to spend money, and the other person is more conscious of careless spending. A friend once told me how her and her husband resolved their money conflicts. She said they both had their own bank accounts and they opened a separate joint account that was the house account. They would both contribute funds to the house account to cover the monthly bills, but they each had their own accounts to spend as they wished. This gave each of them the freedom to spend or save. It kept both people happy and the bills for the home were taken care of. There are many ways to work through money problems in a relationship, it just takes communication and compromise.
No matter what life throws at you, together you can make it through anything. When times are hardest is when the strength of your relationship will surface. You will either band together and work as a team, or like some couples, you will argue, blame and have resentment towards one another.
We sometimes enter into relationships with unrealistic expectations. We expect the perfect relationship where our partners are perfect, and say all the right things, take care of our every need, and understand us. The reality is, you enter into a relationship as strangers and over time you grow with that person. There are times that we grow into different people with different interests and desires. People change over time. Sometimes it's not anyone's fault we changed into different people than when we first met, it just happens. The person you first met is not going to be the same person five years later. People's thoughts, ideals, goals, and appearances change over time, and there are some of us who cannot accept those changes in their mates. They feel that this is not the person I fell in love with. This may be true, but in time you could learn to understand and fall in love all over again with the new person you are living with. Relationships go through stages because life throws you so many curves, and those curves cause people to change their perception of life and relationships. Sometimes you can't control the changes that take place. In my case, I had a full hysterectomy at a very young age, and it not only affected me physically, but emotionally as well. A different person emerged from that operating room. So sometimes there are reasons beyond your mate's control that creates that change. In any case, you still have to remember that you made a commitment to that other person, and you owe it to them to work on making your relationship work.
There are little things you can do to spice up your relationship such as going on weekend getaways, go on date nights, take long walks together, go for a massage together or just watch a movie together. Spending quality time together is key for having a relationship that lasts. These times you spend together allows you time to communicate with each other when you are both relaxed, which will allow for a more productive conversation to work out your disagreements. Relationships don't last anymore because people are not willing to sacrifice a part of themselves for someone else, or make the comprises needed to make a relationship work. If you truly love someone you will put the work in to make sure your partner feels secure, loved, and needed.
SOURCES:
World Population Review
https://worldpopulationreview.com/state-rankings/divorce-rate-by-state
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