Ways to Resolve Arguments In Your Relationship
In every relationship there is bound to be disagreements. Some of those disagreements can sometimes become full blown arguments. Two people will never agree on everything, but there are ways to resolve arguments with your mate. One thing that you might do is set some ground rules when disagreements arise. What sometimes happens is that both sides are intent on being right, and not taking the time to listen to each other. Although you may not agree at the end of the day, there are some things you can do to resolve disagreements without holding on to resentment and anger. A small argument that is not discussed and resolved can lead to the chipping away at your relationship. The mistakes a lot of couples make is not fighting fairly. Here are some ways that you might try to settle your arguments in a respectful way:
1. Stick to the Primary Issue of the Argument - It's very easy to start arguing, and before you know it, you're talking about things that happened two years ago. Bringing up old arguments is not beneficial if you're serious about settling the disagreement at hand. This is why you should always try to resolve arguments and move on from them. If you do have arguments from the past that aren't settled, those should be a discussion for another day. It's never a good idea to throw a bunch of past hurts at each other. Stick to the reason you are disagreeing at the moment and resolve that, then attempt to resolve past disagreements one at a time in the future.
2. Timing is Everything - Don't start an argument when you know your mate just had a rough day at work, car had a flat tire, the kids are all sick, and you get upset about something that could wait until both of you can unwind. Talk about it when you are both relaxed and calm. The outcome will be much better when both parties are not stressed and heated. I realize that is sometimes hard to do, but when you can, wait to discuss disagreements at the appropriate time, it can make all the difference. You may try taking a walk together, drive to the park. It's just a good idea to get away somewhere peaceful to have that conversation.
3. Never Argue in Front of Family and Friends - This is always a huge mistake for several reasons. When you argue in front of others, it puts them in an uncomfortable situation. It's so unfair for them to have to witness you having an argument. Your arguments should wait until the two of you can discuss it privately, even if that means you have to hold onto your anger for a short time until you can discuss it. Another reason arguing in front of people is a bad idea is because when people are present, neither one of you wants to appear to be wrong, so instead of the argument getting resolved, it will usually escalate when others are present. A rule of thumb should be to keep family and friends out of your personal business.
4. Never Argue in front of Children - Many parents do not realize how damaging it is for your children to see you arguing with each other. Children do not understand that you two still love each other even though you're arguing. They may look at it like you two hate each other, and might hurt each other. Children can really be traumatized by watching parents argue. Also, don't think the children can't hear the argument in the next room. If you must, remove yourself to an area that is out of earshot of the children to have the discussion. Children are so fragile, and it is very upsetting for them to see their parents argue.
5. Be Respectful - It doesn't matter how angry you get, it's never okay to be disrespectful to your mate. You can argue without name calling and being demeaning to each other. The only way to resolve issues is to do it in a calm and respectful way in order for both sides to really listen to each other. Once you start being disrespectful, the other person is most likely going to shut down, and not want to listen to anything else you have to say. Words matter, and they hurt. My grandmother once said "A spoken word cannot be taken back."
Be thoughtful with your words before you say them to someone.
6. Don't Argue if You are Under the Influence - Arguing after you have been drinking is wrong on so many levels. Alcohol will always make arguments much worse than they need to be. When you are having a disagreement, wait to discuss the situation at a time when you are both completely sober, and able to think clearly so you can discuss the matter in a rational manner. Alcohol can bring out the worst in some people. Avoid having serious discussions when alcohol is involved.
Having arguments in relationship is normal, but it's how you argue that makes the difference. You have to set rules and boundaries when disagreements arise, because your goal should be to resolve your issues. If you are both serious about making your relationship work, you have to be willing to respect and listen to each other. Your intention should not be to win the argument, but to resolve the issue so you both can feel good about the fact that other person is hearing your side, and making every effort to make the relationship work. It's not about being right, it's about communicating in way that both people feel like they are being heard.
1. Stick to the Primary Issue of the Argument - It's very easy to start arguing, and before you know it, you're talking about things that happened two years ago. Bringing up old arguments is not beneficial if you're serious about settling the disagreement at hand. This is why you should always try to resolve arguments and move on from them. If you do have arguments from the past that aren't settled, those should be a discussion for another day. It's never a good idea to throw a bunch of past hurts at each other. Stick to the reason you are disagreeing at the moment and resolve that, then attempt to resolve past disagreements one at a time in the future.
2. Timing is Everything - Don't start an argument when you know your mate just had a rough day at work, car had a flat tire, the kids are all sick, and you get upset about something that could wait until both of you can unwind. Talk about it when you are both relaxed and calm. The outcome will be much better when both parties are not stressed and heated. I realize that is sometimes hard to do, but when you can, wait to discuss disagreements at the appropriate time, it can make all the difference. You may try taking a walk together, drive to the park. It's just a good idea to get away somewhere peaceful to have that conversation.
3. Never Argue in Front of Family and Friends - This is always a huge mistake for several reasons. When you argue in front of others, it puts them in an uncomfortable situation. It's so unfair for them to have to witness you having an argument. Your arguments should wait until the two of you can discuss it privately, even if that means you have to hold onto your anger for a short time until you can discuss it. Another reason arguing in front of people is a bad idea is because when people are present, neither one of you wants to appear to be wrong, so instead of the argument getting resolved, it will usually escalate when others are present. A rule of thumb should be to keep family and friends out of your personal business.
4. Never Argue in front of Children - Many parents do not realize how damaging it is for your children to see you arguing with each other. Children do not understand that you two still love each other even though you're arguing. They may look at it like you two hate each other, and might hurt each other. Children can really be traumatized by watching parents argue. Also, don't think the children can't hear the argument in the next room. If you must, remove yourself to an area that is out of earshot of the children to have the discussion. Children are so fragile, and it is very upsetting for them to see their parents argue.
5. Be Respectful - It doesn't matter how angry you get, it's never okay to be disrespectful to your mate. You can argue without name calling and being demeaning to each other. The only way to resolve issues is to do it in a calm and respectful way in order for both sides to really listen to each other. Once you start being disrespectful, the other person is most likely going to shut down, and not want to listen to anything else you have to say. Words matter, and they hurt. My grandmother once said "A spoken word cannot be taken back."
Be thoughtful with your words before you say them to someone.
6. Don't Argue if You are Under the Influence - Arguing after you have been drinking is wrong on so many levels. Alcohol will always make arguments much worse than they need to be. When you are having a disagreement, wait to discuss the situation at a time when you are both completely sober, and able to think clearly so you can discuss the matter in a rational manner. Alcohol can bring out the worst in some people. Avoid having serious discussions when alcohol is involved.
Having arguments in relationship is normal, but it's how you argue that makes the difference. You have to set rules and boundaries when disagreements arise, because your goal should be to resolve your issues. If you are both serious about making your relationship work, you have to be willing to respect and listen to each other. Your intention should not be to win the argument, but to resolve the issue so you both can feel good about the fact that other person is hearing your side, and making every effort to make the relationship work. It's not about being right, it's about communicating in way that both people feel like they are being heard.
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