The Family and What Role Should They Play in Your Life
By: NayNay Butler
Throughout history we have all seen images of what a good family looks like. The question is, are those images realistic? Sometimes we see other families that seem to have all of the elements of a good family, and wonder to ourselves why can't our family be like that? We then begin to place blame on others for the reason that our families are not what they should be. The real question is how important is family to you? Do you love and respect your family members? Do you take more from your family than you give? Do you take responsibility for your role in some of the turmoil in your family? Is there something more you can do to show that you are committed to bringing the family together?
I believe that we all want and need to be accepted and respected by our families. When this doesn't happen we sometimes become angry, frustrated, depressed, defensive or withdrawn. Any one of these emotions can inevitably harm our physical and emotional health. This is why we should determine what role family should play in your life. Although family is an important part of our lives, they shouldn't consume our lives. We all have our own individual lives to live, and we should all try to help family members when it is possible, but not if it will be a detriment to you and your individual family. I don't think this is being selfish because you have an obligation to your own individual families first and foremost. Family members should respect and understand this, and not put you in the position to have to choose between their immediate families and their extended families. At this time in most of our lives, life has gotten a lot harder with the recession, layoffs, the housing market, and so many different things going on that is making life much more difficult to navigate. That is why people are focusing more on their immediate families because there isn't the extra cushion to extend help to others outside of their immediate family. You shouldn't take it personal. It is just a sign of the times. Your family still loves you, but they are possibly in survival mode right now. What I think is needed to build stronger family bonds is being honest with one another and setting boundaries with your family. We sometimes assume that someone understands what is going in our lives, and they actually have no idea what you are going through or how you are feeling. It might be beneficial to have a conversation with your family members and try to explain your situation so you can avoid longstanding feuds and resentments. The worse thing you can do is avoid confronting issues that arise. Even after you have tried to resolve an issue, there still may not be a resolution, but at least both sides were able to express their opinions and everyone knows where they stand. Maybe in time, the issue will work itself out or you can still continue to build that relationship in spite of the disagreement.
I have witnessed numerous marriages that were broken up due to interfering family members. We should never let outside influences interfere in our own family's lives. This often happens when you share private details of your own family with other family members. This will lead to everyone having an opinion on matters that are really none of their business, but you invited them in by sharing those details. There will also be times when family will ask you for financial help. Family should realize that you may not be able to help them financially without consulting your spouse. Your spouse may not be agreeable to the financial help. It's very unfair for family to even put you in that position in the first place.
The bottom line here is that we love our families very much and we want the best for them, but we can't overextend ourselves and put our own lives on hold for the sake of our families. Our families need to understand that we are all trying to navigate our way through life and sometimes it comes down to the choices, we as individuals make in our lives. When you make certain choices in your life, those choices come with consequences, and you and only you have the obligation to deal with those consequences. You have no right to believe that anyone else is responsible for coming to your rescue because of the choices that you made in your life. Take responsibility for the choices you have made in your life and try not to be a burden to others. Life can sometimes be a struggle, but only you can change the direction your life is taking.
I believe that we all want and need to be accepted and respected by our families. When this doesn't happen we sometimes become angry, frustrated, depressed, defensive or withdrawn. Any one of these emotions can inevitably harm our physical and emotional health. This is why we should determine what role family should play in your life. Although family is an important part of our lives, they shouldn't consume our lives. We all have our own individual lives to live, and we should all try to help family members when it is possible, but not if it will be a detriment to you and your individual family. I don't think this is being selfish because you have an obligation to your own individual families first and foremost. Family members should respect and understand this, and not put you in the position to have to choose between their immediate families and their extended families. At this time in most of our lives, life has gotten a lot harder with the recession, layoffs, the housing market, and so many different things going on that is making life much more difficult to navigate. That is why people are focusing more on their immediate families because there isn't the extra cushion to extend help to others outside of their immediate family. You shouldn't take it personal. It is just a sign of the times. Your family still loves you, but they are possibly in survival mode right now. What I think is needed to build stronger family bonds is being honest with one another and setting boundaries with your family. We sometimes assume that someone understands what is going in our lives, and they actually have no idea what you are going through or how you are feeling. It might be beneficial to have a conversation with your family members and try to explain your situation so you can avoid longstanding feuds and resentments. The worse thing you can do is avoid confronting issues that arise. Even after you have tried to resolve an issue, there still may not be a resolution, but at least both sides were able to express their opinions and everyone knows where they stand. Maybe in time, the issue will work itself out or you can still continue to build that relationship in spite of the disagreement.
I have witnessed numerous marriages that were broken up due to interfering family members. We should never let outside influences interfere in our own family's lives. This often happens when you share private details of your own family with other family members. This will lead to everyone having an opinion on matters that are really none of their business, but you invited them in by sharing those details. There will also be times when family will ask you for financial help. Family should realize that you may not be able to help them financially without consulting your spouse. Your spouse may not be agreeable to the financial help. It's very unfair for family to even put you in that position in the first place.
The bottom line here is that we love our families very much and we want the best for them, but we can't overextend ourselves and put our own lives on hold for the sake of our families. Our families need to understand that we are all trying to navigate our way through life and sometimes it comes down to the choices, we as individuals make in our lives. When you make certain choices in your life, those choices come with consequences, and you and only you have the obligation to deal with those consequences. You have no right to believe that anyone else is responsible for coming to your rescue because of the choices that you made in your life. Take responsibility for the choices you have made in your life and try not to be a burden to others. Life can sometimes be a struggle, but only you can change the direction your life is taking.
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