Finding Peace and Happiness When Life is Overwhelming
By: NayNay Butler
Photo By: Julia Ferrari - MorgueFile
We sometimes have life events that can test our strength. It will seem like everyday there is a new struggle to overcome. Whether its financial burdens, family issues, work issues or personal issues. It is a blessing when you have someone you can share your thoughts with, but not everyone is fortunate enough to have that in their life. There are some things you can do on your own to find that peace and happiness you deserve. We sometimes don’t realize how strong we are until we are tested.
In this time in our lives when there are so many things that can make us feel overwhelmed we have to do certain things that can help us to find our strength and believe in ourselves once again. I have gone through the toughest times in my life in the last few years. So many people that impacted my life have passed away, a devastating car accident left me disabled, financial problems, just to name a few. I sank really low and experienced depression that made me feel like I was crawling through a dark tunnel and I didn’t feel like I would ever find my way out of it. I have always been a person that no matter how impossible it seems, I find a way to get where I need to go, but this time was different. I didn’t have the strength or the motivation to even begin to fight my way out. Every single thing was a struggle to accomplish. I knew I had to do something or I was not going to survive. I saw no hope for the future and my faith in people was gone. I felt very alone for the first time in my life. It was at this point that I decided to seek counseling. I had a wonderful therapist that helped me so much to begin to believe in myself again and to give me strategies to learn how to deal with the pressures of life when it gets overwhelming. From there, I started working on myself and clearing out some of the clutter in my life, no matter how painful it was going to be. If I wanted to find peace and happiness in my life it had to be done. Some of the things that I did to improve my life were:
1. Organize my environment - It seems like when your mind is cluttered so is your surroundings. When you don’t have energy or motivation your home or office is neglected. The problem is that when it gets really bad and cluttered it feels overwhelming to clean up so you give up on it. The more you look at the clutter the more depressed you become, and you feel like a failure because you could not accomplish this simple task. What I finally did was to start small. Instead of trying to organize everything at once, I started with a small corner of the room. Everyday I made a goal to accomplish the next day. I continued that until I completed one room at a time. What helped me a lot was playing music as I worked. If you are a music lover like I am, it really makes the job at hand less stressful. I believe when you organize your surroundings, it can improve your mental health and bring a sense of peace.
2. Clean out the human clutter - I had to reflect on my relationships and determine which ones were valuable to me, and which ones were a weight on my shoulders. I realized that I am a person that always wants to help people, even if I hurt myself doing it. I finally realized that some people will gladly accept your help, not caring about the effect it has on you. I found that some relationships in your life have to be reevaluated to determine if that person is adding value in your life. You have to ask the questions such as “does this person make me happy and bring peace to my life?” “Does this person allow me to be myself and accept me for who I am and not what they want me to be?” “Does this person value me?” There are so many questions you have to ask yourself when determining if a person is worthy of having a space in your life. It may seem very difficult to sever ties with people that you’ve grown to love and care about, but you must do that in order for you to find that peace and happiness you are looking for. We will still love those people, but you have to love them from a distance, because you matter. Your goal should be focusing on you. Think of it this way, when a person is drowning your first thought is to try and jump in the water and bring them to safety, but there’s always the chance that when you swim out to save that person, they could ultimately drag you under the water and you may possibly drown with them. So be careful who you jump in the water to save.
3. I learned to say “No” - It took me many years to realize that it's alright to say no to people. I spent a lot of years doing things that I didn’t want to do because I didn’t want to disappoint people. Even though I knew that doing those things wasn’t good for me. I would just do things for people and suffer in silence because I didn’t have the guts to say no to people. I have now learned that you have to sometimes say no, even if you know that person is going to be hurt or disappointed. Only you know your limits. You have to decide if helping someone is going to be detrimental to your health and well being.
4. Accept your failures in life - We have all failed at things in our life. Whether in a job or in relationships. I had to learn to accept my failures and use them as stepping stones to do better next time. I thought about the mistakes I made in my life and I tried to learn the lesson in all of those mistakes.That helps me to make better decisions going forward. We will always make mistakes in life, but accepting the fact that you aren’t perfect and you will always have room for improvement is so important for your path to peace and happiness.
“Never let success get to your head; never let failure get to your heart.” By anonymous
“Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.” By Nelson Mandela
“It’s fine to celebrate success, but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure.” By Bill Gates
5. Take care of your physical health - If you haven’t been to the doctor in a while, maybe you should go even if it’s just for your yearly physical and blood tests. Your mood may be affected by something going on inside of your body that you weren’t aware of. A few years ago I found out that I had very low Vitamin D that was affecting my mental health. I never knew low Vitamin D could affect you in so many ways. The older you get the more you have to be a little more diligent about taking care of yourself. Eating healthier foods such as whole grains, lots of vegetables and fruit, and drinking plenty of water can make a huge difference in your physical health. Exercise is also something you should try and incorporate into your life. I try to walk most days, and the days I don’t walk, I try to move around more by cleaning, putting on my favorite songs and dancing around the house. Those things are considered exercise too. It’s important not to sit around for long periods of time. Get up and move around every 30 minutes or so. Doing small things can make all the difference.
6. Find a hobby - Try to find something you enjoy doing. Something that makes you happy and brings you peace. I love reading, writing, watching sports, researching different topics, and listening to music. Think about the things you enjoy doing and make time in your life to do those things. It’s good to give your mind a break from all of life’s real problems and make your heart and mind happy doing the things you love, even if just for a little while.
I had to learn that it wasn’t healthy to put my needs on the back burner for my children, family, friends or significant others. I realized that I had spent most of my life giving so much of myself to others and neglecting myself. It was a hard truth for me when I realized at the end of the day, when you go through that valley in life, very few of the people that you spent your life giving so much to will be there for you when you hit bottom. The good part is, when your mind and body is in a good place, you won’t care as much about others because you will be focusing on making your life better. I believe the path to peace and happiness is to focus more on yourself. Make yourself a priority. We spend so much of our lives working hard and trying to make as much money as we can to be able to afford all things this society has deemed makes you successful. I have found that success is not about how much you have achieved financially, but more about how well you took care of yourself mentally and physically. I have seen people achieve all of the material things that life can offer, only to end up dying and regretting all of the simple things they wish they had done. The things in life that mean the most don’t cost a lot. What means the most to me is being grateful everyday to wake up and be able to see the birds, the trees, the ocean, beautiful sunrises and sunsets. I strive to keep my life simple because that will give me time to focus on me.
Life is going to sometimes be overwhelming, but having the tools to deal with those times is the difference between life and death sometimes. Live your life for you. Never be concerned about what people think about you or say about you because when you begin to love yourself, you won’t care what others think. I found out that I matter, even if no one else thinks I do. I am truly enjoying my life and I believe I am on the path to peace and happiness. All the work I have done to get to this point has been worth it. Life doesn’t have to be complicated, we have the power to choose what kind of life we want for ourselves. Always remember that time is not always on our side, no matter what age you are, so don’t waste a minute on things and people that don’t add to your peace and happiness.
Photo by: DJB78 - MorgueFile
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