Can You Find Love On Dating Apps?
By: NayNay Butler
Photo: Gerd Altmann
If you are single and looking for love chances are you have visited at least one dating site. Dating has changed so much from the old days. Dating back then was a face to face meeting. You got a chance to look that person in the eye and determine if there was an attraction by body language and conversation. Dating today is going on a dating site with hundreds of prospects, reading profiles and swiping right or left. When I first visited a dating site, I have to admit it was very intriguing. I was a little leery about it because it seemed so impersonal and how do you know who is really behind that picture. I gave it a try and before long I was completely engaged. I was just recently divorced so having the attention of so many men all at one time was completely overwhelming. After utilizing the dating site for a few months and going on several dates, I learned a lot about how much dating has changed. I learned how people think so differently about dating today. There was a time when dating was intended to lead to a long term relationship or possibly marriage. Dating is quite different these days. There is this thing called casual dating which could mean you either date several people at one time or you just want to date for the physical connection better known as a hook up. People today are looking for all kinds of non-traditional relationships when dating today. I would suggest to anyone looking for love on dating sites to be sure what kind of relationship you are seeking. There are various dating apps to accommodate whatever preferences you have. There are dating apps for the younger generation, the older generation, faith-based, LGBTQ, African-American and a host of others. It would be beneficial for you to do a little bit of research on the various apps to find the one that will fit your needs.
My personal experiences on Dating Apps - What I found to be the most surprising on dating apps is I met a lot of nice gentlemen. I was able to chat with different guys without having to leave my sofa. I had some very good conversations and met some very interesting and successful men. That was surprising to me because I had heard some horror stories about dating online and I can’t say that I experienced too many bad experiences. I did experience a romance scam. This guy was overly attentive and tried to gain my trust. When he felt that I was right where he wanted me, he began to ask for money and gifts, which I immediately knew was a red flag. I never sent him anything and reported him to the dating site. Most dating sites are very good about attempting to weed out the bad apples, but some of them do get in so you really need to be careful. I also found that there are a lot of married men on these sites trying to convince you they are single. So use caution when using these sites to find love.
There are people on these sites that are looking for love, but most people on these sites are not. They tend to be looking for casual relationships with no commitments in spite of what they may say in their profiles or when you talk with them. The men I encountered were very pleasant, successful, good looking men, but after dating them I realized that they were not interested in building a serious relationship. Some of them had personal issues such as alcohol, gambling, past relationship issues, lack of trust, workaholics and terrible communicators. I quickly became very disappointed with the selection of men I encountered. Some of the men I spoke with said they had bad experiences with women as well. Some men complained that some women would go on several dates a week just to get free dinners from men. Some men also said there were women that asked them for financial help after just a few dates. Because of the bad behavior of a few, it has made the good ones apprehensive about taking you on nice dates, fearful they will be taken advantage of. I have to say I would prefer the traditional way of dating, but dating apps are not too bad. I think you just have to be patient and take your time to get to know people before you let your guard down. If you are looking for a casual relationship, dating apps are a great tool to find people to hang out with and have a good time. If you are looking for a more serious relationship, dating apps can be daunting because you will most likely have to sift through many suitors until you find your special one.
Some Suggestions:
My personal experiences on Dating Apps - What I found to be the most surprising on dating apps is I met a lot of nice gentlemen. I was able to chat with different guys without having to leave my sofa. I had some very good conversations and met some very interesting and successful men. That was surprising to me because I had heard some horror stories about dating online and I can’t say that I experienced too many bad experiences. I did experience a romance scam. This guy was overly attentive and tried to gain my trust. When he felt that I was right where he wanted me, he began to ask for money and gifts, which I immediately knew was a red flag. I never sent him anything and reported him to the dating site. Most dating sites are very good about attempting to weed out the bad apples, but some of them do get in so you really need to be careful. I also found that there are a lot of married men on these sites trying to convince you they are single. So use caution when using these sites to find love.
There are people on these sites that are looking for love, but most people on these sites are not. They tend to be looking for casual relationships with no commitments in spite of what they may say in their profiles or when you talk with them. The men I encountered were very pleasant, successful, good looking men, but after dating them I realized that they were not interested in building a serious relationship. Some of them had personal issues such as alcohol, gambling, past relationship issues, lack of trust, workaholics and terrible communicators. I quickly became very disappointed with the selection of men I encountered. Some of the men I spoke with said they had bad experiences with women as well. Some men complained that some women would go on several dates a week just to get free dinners from men. Some men also said there were women that asked them for financial help after just a few dates. Because of the bad behavior of a few, it has made the good ones apprehensive about taking you on nice dates, fearful they will be taken advantage of. I have to say I would prefer the traditional way of dating, but dating apps are not too bad. I think you just have to be patient and take your time to get to know people before you let your guard down. If you are looking for a casual relationship, dating apps are a great tool to find people to hang out with and have a good time. If you are looking for a more serious relationship, dating apps can be daunting because you will most likely have to sift through many suitors until you find your special one.
Some Suggestions:
- Be happy being single before you make the decision to start dating. I think a lot of people have a fear of being alone and get on these sites to just find someone that can fill that void, but by doing that you will possibly settle for the first thing that comes along even though they are not the best thing for you.
- Use your gut instincts and common sense when using dating apps. There are a lot of scammers and people that have an agenda. If someone starts asking you for money that should be a red flag. Never send money to someone you meet online. This may sound like common sense but you would be surprised how many people have been duped out of thousands of dollars.
- Don’t be afraid to report suspicious behavior to the dating site of someone you meet online. These dating sites usually take those reports seriously and have steps they can take to investigate these people.
- On first dates I would suggest you meet in a public place and be prepared to pay for your share of the bill. Some men will insist on paying the bill, but there are some men that will expect you to pay your share.
- Don’t believe everything you read in their profiles. People will sometimes not be totally honest in their profiles. You have to ask them questions when you have conversations to decipher the truth about a person.
- If you put pictures on a dating site, try to select pictures that are pretty recent. I have heard stories of people putting pictures on these sites that are from years ago and they no longer look like that person. Catfishing happens pretty often in the online dating world. Facetime whenever possible.
- Lastly, don’t take online dating too seriously. There is always that chance you will find love, but even if you don’t, if you are happily single you can still be happy and enjoy your life. A mate should add to the peace and happiness you have already established in your life. Times have changed and people are gradually shifting to casual relationships and not invested in cultivating a serious relationship. They don’t want the commitment and work it takes to have a long term relationship. Don’t give up on your search if a mate is what is important to you. Just be patient and have fun on your search. You may not find love, but you may find some lifelong friends.
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